Sarah (20) had multiple sex dates last year through a Christian dating site. She was a member for a year until she realized she wanted a different life.
I created a profile on the Christian dating site because I was looking for love. I tried to find someone I clicked with. I didn’t click with the first boy I met. We noticed this immediately on our date. I always met in public places, it just made me feel safer when meeting a stranger.
I wanted to know someone a bit beforehand: what he liked or didn’t like and what norms and values he had, I thought that was important. I quickly get a good impression of people when I speak to them often. The closer someone lived near me, the sooner I met them. That way if we didn’t click I could arrange another date with someone else quickly.
He Was All About Sex
The sex dates were not my first intention. It happened to me a little. I did not expect Christian youths to seek out sex relationships through a Christian dating site. If you feel the need, go to Tinder anyway. I ran into a 22-year-old man. There was a spark between us and at the first meeting we had sex.
He quickly said he loved me. After the first time I saw him 20 more times and all those times we had sex together. Later I found out that he did this with several women. I didn’t like that. He was not looking for love. It was all about sex.
After My Baptism, I Continued This Lifestyle
This was my lifestyle before I was baptized, but I continued after my baptism. It can be compared to smoking. I had to become aware that it was not smart before I could change it. Later on, I only became more aware of it. The sex was fine of course otherwise I wouldn’t do it.
Therefore it was more difficult to give up. With this boy I had sex with 20 times, I thought I saw a future. I thought it would be better to date and have sex with him than with a non-Christian. I found out that it was not, that this is not real love to me. That’s why I decided to quit sex dates. Of course, this need may come back to me, but I don’t have to at the moment.
I Thought a Christian Environment Would Be a Safe Environment
I have become reluctant. The Christian dating site also included men my father’s age who approached me. It was often not clear whether they were looking for friendship, relationship, or sex.
A 50-year-old man admitted that he was looking for sex. I find that very dangerous on a dating site. There are also girls of 16 years old on this site and old men can just talk to them.
I thought a Christian environment would be a safe environment, but I was too naive about that. Some of the men are looking for sex, but there is also a majority who are seriously looking for a relationship, friendship, or new Christians in their lives.
The Consequences Of The Sex Dates
I experienced sex as nice at the time, because I thought it could have been more. I am sad that people can hurt you like that. I myself made the choice to have sex when it was not clear whether he would be my true love. Of course, I did it safely, but there was a chance that I would get pregnant.
At some point, sex started to mean less to me. My boundary became blurred because I had experienced how good it could be and I needed more.
Sometimes I think about my choices and they turn out to be wrong afterward. I talk about it with friends. A lot of my Christian friends don’t like my sex dates. By being honest and open about it, I hope to help others make their choices. We are all young and it is sometimes difficult to see what is good for you.
Future On Christian Dating Sites
I don’t do dating through a Christian dating site anymore. I feel the men join it for the same reason as Tinder. Men were looking for intimate relationships or a cuddle buddy, someone who likes to cuddle but wants to stick to friendship.
I was not looking for that and therefore I no longer felt at home on a Christian dating site, but I hope that soon I will meet someone with whom I can share my future.
Then I will explain what I have done. I hope he handles it well and will say, “It wasn’t smart, but that was in your past, I’m your future.
The name Sarah is made up. The real name is known to the editor only.