Is your sex life on the back burner because you don’t feel like having sex? With the tips below you can slowly build your sex drive to a higher level and get you back in the mood for sex!
Many People Don’t Feel Like Having Sex
Not feeling like having sex is a common problem in relationships. Often it is the woman who has a lower libido, but men can also not feel like sex. In most cases this has little to do with the attractiveness of the partner and everything with the circumstances.
The tips below assume that your sex life was once good, but that it collapsed because of work, children, study, or living side by side.
These tips will help you boost your sex life in this case. If you have or think you have permanent complaints such as Asexuality, these tips may not work for you. In this case, we recommend that you contact your doctor.
1. Stress Is A Sex Killer
You don’t feel like having sex? As soon as there is a major stress source in your life, your sex drive quickly disappears. Stress is a survival response from your body.
When you are suddenly attacked on the street, a lot of stress arises because you want to survive. To survive, your body focuses only on essential bodily functions, and that doesn’t include a sex drive at the time.
In our society we don’t just have stress when we are in immediate danger, we also experience stress when we are indirectly at risk. We have a constant stress level that slowly eats us up, we are concerned about our children, work, finances and so on.
Know that for many people stress, tension and anxiety is the reason why there is no sex drive anymore. You get tired quickly, you want to sleep and you just don’t want to bother.
Moreover, the lack of sex leads you into a negative spiral: you get less and less sex drive.
2. The Negative Sex Spiral
If you do not have sex, the sex drive disappears so gently. You may take less time together because of problems in the relationship. One wants, the other is not in the mood for sex.
In the long run, your partner doesn’t even dare to ask because you don’t usually feel like having sex. Rejection hurts.
The physical chemistry that arises during sex slowly begins to disappear between you. You do not merge, you do not feel connected.
Instead, a brother-sister (or brother-brother, sister-sister) relationship develops in which you start bickering with each other.
All your bickering worsens your relationship. You find your love less attractive because of all that nagging. Sex fails to materialise.
When you notice that you are somewhere halfway or even very deep in the negative spiral, it is time to intervene. First of all, it is very important that you try to let go of the stress.
And know that sex is a great way to lower your stress level!
4. Starting Is Half Done
Then it is actually very simple: have sex!
By having sex with your partner you immediately break the negative spiral and some erotic energy comes back into your relationship. After only having sex once, you will start to feel more connected to your partner.
This sense of belonging makes you more tolerant and friendly to one another.
Maybe the sex isn’t great. If you haven’t had sex in a while, don’t expect miracles. It will feel much better next time.
It’s just important that you commit yourself to just have sex at some point. You probably don’t feel like cleaning the toilet, but you do it. This sometimes also just applies to sex. Once you are busy it is not so bad, it is even fun!
5. Think of the foreplay
Do not lie next to each other in bed to ‘sex’ again. When all the sexual energy is gone from your relationship you will have to do your best to get it back. You can do this very well by having a nice foreplay.
Take the time for each other. Take a shower together, watch a nice movie with a nice glass of wine. Massage each other and let one thing lead to another. You will find that once you get excited, the rest really goes by itself!
6. Take The Time To Enjoy Each Other
Sex in a relationship is more than just sex. It is a physical expression of your love for each other. If you want to spark your sex life a little more, you would do well in general to spend more time together.
By spending time and attention on each other you grow closer together. Especially if you have children, you would do well to ‘date’ together regularly. Pick evenings together for you and also be busy in daily life.
7. Keep The Flow In Your Sex Life
Once the negative spiral has broken, it is important that you keep the ‘flow’ in your sex life. This means that you do not stick with a one-time eruption, but that you have sex several times a week.
With this you keep the erotic energy within your relationship! Experiment, seduce each other, vary and keep it exciting.